Home Humor Cass…Don’t Panic!!! – It’s BROKEN!!!

Cass…Don’t Panic!!! – It’s BROKEN!!!

Cass…Don’t Panic!!! – It’s BROKEN!!!


Final night time was Kristal’s celebration, she was turning a quantity with a 0’ on the top. I’ll depart it at that. She had selected an 80’s theme. ‘Gown from somebody within the 80’s’ not my most favorite period, however I may make it work.

There was just one apparent alternative for me… Whitney Houston- I Wanna Dance with Someone.

Now, this didn’t require quite a bit, a pink gown, and my hair wanted to be curled. I attempted curling it with a curling wand just a few days ago- it didn’t go effectively. It was notably tough, particularly as a result of I’m neither octopus nor have eyes behind my head. So as a substitute of how the field confirmed a mannequin with pretty bouncy curls, I find yourself with a knotted rat’s nest behind my head, which was a mixture of 80s teasing and mattress hair. After the half-hour of labor utilizing the curling wand, all I needed to present, was a matted mess, that wanted half a bottle of conditioner to tame. And two second-degree burns, one to my ear and one other to brow. It seemed like I had gone head-to-head with a sandwich press, and misplaced.

That is how yesterday with Claire Bear, and I ended up taking a look at this whiz-bang curling instrument thingy that virtually curls your hair for you with little or no to no effort in your half, in case you’re to imagine the field. It sucks your hair up in it, twists it round, and holds it in place for a number of seconds at a particularly excessive temperature- of 230 levels Celsius to be precise, earlier than revealing your strand of hair now completely curled, in principle anyway. Clearly not one thing I personally wish to play with.

“What about this Cass?” Claire says lifting up the field to point out me.

“Hmmmm!” I used to be attempting to know how it could work and if the curls would appear like Whitney Houston. “I don’t know Claire Bear. I don’t suppose I’ll appear like Whitney Houston.”

“ I feel we will make it work. We are going to do a curl I’ll then twist it tightly bobby pin it to your head, and hair spray it. It is going to be advantageous.”

She was so assured, “Positive, let’s get it. I imply how dangerous may it’s? It appears fairly easy to make use of.” I have a look at the time, “We higher go get the cake.”

I had purchased Kristal’s cake and we had been selecting it up at East Gosford. We pay, accumulate our issues, heading to the automobile. I technically knew the place we had been going, however simply to be secure and at Claire Bears insistences, as a result of she doesn’t belief my navigation skills I put the deal with into Jenny.

We drive down the Central Coast freeway in the direction of Gosford. Watching the map and the street I see a right-hand flip developing… after the following avenue.

As I pull into the turning lane, “Do I flip right here?” I don’t anticipate a solution, I see a break within the visitors, put my foot on the accelerator, turning proper down the road.

“Ah no. The flip was 900 metres away.”

“Sure, that was about 900 metres.”

“No, that was about 30 metres! It’s okay Jenny will reroute. See she is redirecting you. already”

Once more, the display screen exhibits one other flip, this time it’s a left flip. “Flip now.”

“No Cassie. Don’t flip right here! See 300 metres?”

“Okay.” Claire and Jenny work collectively to direct me, sending me down a avenue to the top, the place I cease at a set of lights. There’s a pub on one nook and a cute Italian café over the street.

As we anticipate the lights to show inexperienced, Claire Bear says, “I don’t suppose Jenny is the issue, Cass.”

“Ummm… Sure, she is. She was telling me to show proper.”

“In 900 metres.”

“No, no. She clearly mentioned right-hand flip. Effectively positive she was on mute however, the map clearly mentioned flip proper.”

“Sure, she mentioned proper flip developing. Within the nook she clearly mentioned in 900 metres,”

“Effectively, I didn’t see that. And it may have been 900 metres? I imply it may’ve been.”

“Positive. I imply from right here to the lights is about 900 metres. Proper?” We had been third within the line of vehicles ready on the lights.

“I do know you’re being sarcastic. Nevertheless it might be.”

“Like I mentioned, your spatial consciousness wants work.”

“And like I mentioned. Jenny is attempting to sew me up.”

We picked up the cake, earlier than assembly Jade and her son for a espresso at Bay Village. All of us head to my place to twist my hair. We figured we may use Jade’s assist. Claire decides to learn the directions of the brand new curling wand thingy, as a result of she didn’t belief me to peruse them correctly.

She explains what settings I must put the curling thingy on. I observe her directions. As soon as it reaches 230 levels Celsius, I take the primary part of my hair and feed it into the equipment. It sucks it into the centre twisting it on the similar time. I can hear my hair crunching, and scorching because it twists. I begin to calmly panic, just a bit, instantly fearful that my hair was going to burn and snap off, like that lady on YouTube. I anticipate it to beep 4 occasions earlier than I launch the deal with. My hair cascades from the centre and to my shock I had one excellent barrel curl. We go about getting the remainder of my hair achieved.   

We begin on the highest part of my hair. Beginning on the again proper. I take a piece, it sucks it up prefer it beforehand did. However this time the curling factor made a bizarre mechanical crunching and grinding sound kind of like steel cogs grinding collectively. Not likely one thing you wish to hear when curling your hair, it then beeped 4 occasions in a row as a substitute of single beeps. I let loosen my grip across the deal with, anticipating my hair to fall lose from the centre… it doesn’t. I let go of the deal with all collectively, anticipating the roller to fall out… It doesn’t it stays fastened in place. Holding the deal with I yank on it onerous, it doesn’t budge. I attempt pulling on the deal with after which my lose little bit of hair, it nonetheless doesn’t transfer. It was effectively and really caught. I begin to calmly panic once more just a bit, fearful I used to be going to wish to chop my hair to get it lose.

“Ahhhhh! My hair is caught.” I say in a voice that could be a little louder and extra excessive pitched then I meant getting each Claires and Jades consideration.

Claire steps in the direction of me and gently tugs on the roller, my hair pulling at my scalp. “Okay. Don’t panic.” Claire says pulling slightly tougher on the roller.

“Don’t you suppose it’s humorous how folks say don’t panic. In conditions that require you to panic? And solely make you panic extra?” Claire says nothing as she continues to drag at my hair and the roller.

“Ah, Jade…” I may hear panic in her tone. “I feel we’re going to wish an additional set of palms. It’s actually caught.” She reaches over and turns the roller off. “Higher flip that off, we don’t wish to burn your hair off.”

“What? My hair is burnt off?” Now I used to be panicking.

“No, it’s not. We haven’t. We don’t wish to.” I transfer and attempt to pull at my hair and machine, “While you transfer, it makes it means tougher.”

Claire and Jade proceed to drag and jiggle the roller, pulling my hair. The seconds really feel like minutes, and the minutes really feel like hours. I instantly want that I had purchased the old-fashioned curlers. Or that this had occurred earlier once we had been doing the underlayers of my hair, as a result of at this stage I used to be both going to finish up with bizarre bald patches that I couldn’t conceal. Or appear like I had tried to decorate a roller, you understand how within the late nineties and 00’s guys with afros would decorate random comb, and have it protruding of their hair? Effectively, I used to be bringing again the pattern, however this time with a big outsized bizarre roller/ mid century torture instrument full with the ability plug for all of your curling wants.

Lastly, after 10 minutes of yanking and pulling and Claire Bear telling me to remain nonetheless and never transfer, and to maintain my head nonetheless. I used to be free. 45 minutes and two extra entrapments of my hair, and my hair was lastly achieved. I am going and prepare full with an immediate tan.  

As soon as I used to be prepared, I look within the mirror. You couldn’t actually inform I used to be Whitney Houston. I used to be both a really pale Whitey or Julia Roberts in Fairly Lady earlier than the makeover. In case you get my drift?

We get to the social gathering, we may see that there have been clear standouts, individuals who had taken theme and dedicated to it. Ben was very clearly Freddy Mercury. Rob Olivia from Get Bodily. Me… Effectively, the query Ben requested me after I arrived, “And you might be?”

“Ummmm Whitney Houston!”

“No actually?”

“Whitney Houston. Why who do you suppose I’m?”

“Naughty Bow Peep?”

“Ha-ha. It’s the hair, proper? Effectively, I mentioned a pale Whitney or Julia Roberts in Fairly Lady, earlier than the makeover.”

“Ha-ha, Positively Fairly Lady!”



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