ARLINGTON, VA—Nervously pacing the workplace after the Asian chief lastly responded to their repeated provocations, Pentagon officers have been reportedly panicking Wednesday after Chinese language president Xi Jinping confirmed as much as struggle them within the car parking zone. “Oh shit, oh shit—Jinping’s on the market, and he seems to be tremendous pissed,” mentioned Secretary Of Protection Lloyd J. Austin III, peeking via the blinds of the federal government constructing whereas chief of the international superpower pulled off his shirt, bellowed the cupboard member’s identify and instructed him it was time to place his cash the place his mouth was after tormenting the Asian nation for years, on the lookout for a response. “Get down and shut up. Flip off the lights! We by no means ought to have began shit with our warship, I knew that was taking it too far! Now he’s right here, crushing beer cans on his head and calling himself ‘loco.’ He simply smashed my taillights! We have now to get out of right here.” At press time, Jinping agreed to bare-knuckle struggle the largest man from the Division of Protection to settle the dispute over Taiwan as soon as and for all.