WASHINGTON—Declining to alert senior officers to his interment for almost every week, Protection Secretary Lloyd Austin did not disclose that he had been buried at Arlington Nationwide Cemetery, experiences confirmed Monday. “I want to apologize for not informing these within the White Home, Congress, and the Pentagon that I had been laid to relaxation among the many fallen troopers at Arlington Nationwide Cemetery,” stated the dirt-covered Austin, whose deputy protection secretary said that though she had assumed his duties, she had not been notified that her instant superior had been positioned six toes underground within the historic navy graveyard. “I acknowledge that I might have accomplished a greater job guaranteeing the general public was correctly knowledgeable that I had been entombed in opposition to my will in an unmarked soldier’s grave.” At press time, Austin’s failure to reveal his burial had reportedly raised additional questions on why President Biden wasn’t invited to the funeral.