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Florida governor and GOP presidential candidate Ron DeSantis just lately unveiled an immigration coverage through which he proposes eliminating birthright citizenship and authorizing border patrol officers to make use of lethal pressure. The Onion requested immigrants what they considered DeSantis, and that is what they mentioned.
Bilal Qasim, Title Officer
Bilal Qasim, Title Officer

“I keep in mind him from Guantánamo. He at all times needed to torture us however may by no means actually punch laborious sufficient for it to harm.”
Anish Batra, Enterprise Capitalist
Anish Batra, Enterprise Capitalist

“At first, I disapproved of DeSantis’s statements about immigrants, however then I checked out my checking account, realized I’d handed the seven-figure mark, and thought, ‘Eh, this man in all probability has my again.’”
Katrina Messinger, Parking Attendant
Katrina Messinger, Parking Attendant

Diego Moreno, Line Prepare dinner

“What the fuck? Are you attempting to out me to immigration authorities? Depart me alone. I don’t need any a part of regardless of the fuck you’re doing right here.”
Dan Smith, Hedge Fund Supervisor
Dan Smith, Hedge Fund Supervisor

“As an immigrant from England, I couldn’t be extra disgusted with what this man has mentioned about my migrant brothers and sisters.”
Alejandro López, Grocery Retailer Clerk
Alejandro López, Grocery Retailer Clerk

“As a conservative immigrant from Cuba, I’m proud to misconceive my nation’s historical past, and I help DeSantis utterly.”
Louis Navarro, HVAC Technician
Louis Navarro, HVAC Technician

“I’m sorry, however as a working-class American, I’ve a number of jobs and am too busy to know who that’s or have a powerful opinion of him.”
Iveta Vavřinová, Kindergarten Instructor
Iveta Vavřinová, Kindergarten Instructor

“What? No, you’re mistaken. My title is Casey DeSantis, and I’m an American from Ohio. By no means been to the Czech Republic, definitely by no means met any schoolchildren there. Not even one particular brouček named Anastasya whom I miss daily and who—if she’s studying this—must know Maminka loves her.”
Rosa Fernández, Realtor

“He wants to return to Jacksonville or no matter third-world American city he got here from.”
Omar Fatemi, Translator

“I really simply fled a dictator with unnervingly dangerous interpersonal expertise and an oddly excessive voice, so I’d reasonably not must undergo that once more.”
Ignacio Hernández, Uber Driver
Ignacio Hernández, Uber Driver

“On the one hand, I’m disenchanted in how he’s dehumanized immigrants like myself. However, I’m a fucking insanely strict Catholic who believes girls who get first-term abortions must be given the loss of life penalty. So I’m type of left within the lurch right here.”
Ingrid Jakobsson, Militia Member
Ingrid Jakobsson, Militia Member

“He doesn’t have that racist ‘wow’ issue that I’d sacrifice my life for, however I’d undoubtedly take a punch or two for him.”
Elena Tren, Mannequin

“I guess DeSantis couldn’t even discover my nation on a map. I guess he couldn’t even discover a map. He’d in all probability go round saying one thing like ‘The place is that massive image with the different-colored shapes? The place is the massive framed portray of all of the little odd-shaped fellows with the strains and the blue throughout them? What is that factor? Is it after me? Ought to I be afraid of it?”
Giuseppe DeSantis, Cobbler
Giuseppe DeSantis, Cobbler

“What-a did-a my no-good son-a say about Italian immigrants like a-me this a-time?”
Rodrigo von Seelstrang, Analysis Scientist
Rodrigo von Seelstrang, Analysis Scientist

“I’m Argentinean and my final title is von Seelstrang, if that tells you something about my politics.”
Hassan Farzaneh, Rideshare Driver
Hassan Farzaneh, Rideshare Driver

“I really assume it’s fairly cute that every one the wars the US fought whereas he was within the army have been for no purpose and solely enhanced his life.”
Rashid Anisimov, Therapeutic massage Therapist
Rashid Anisimov, Therapeutic massage Therapist

“He’s a giant ol’ goofball, identical to me.”
Mee Cheng, Chair Of The Asian Research Division On the College Of Tampa
Mee Cheng, Chair Of The Asian Research Division On the College Of Tampa

“He advised me to return to Mexico.”
Melania Trump, Mannequin

“My husband completely hates the man, so naturally I’m changing into a fan.”
Blerta Dervishi, Dental Hygienist
Blerta Dervishi, Dental Hygienist

“I’d say he’s like a less-charismatic model of Sali Berisha with 10 instances the incompetence, however I assume you’d must know Albanian politics to get that.”
Terri Blanton, Mechanic

“I utterly perceive hating folks like me since you’ve been brainwashed by the capitalist media into blaming immigrants for the issues wrought by our nation’s enterprise and political leaders, however do you actually must be so loud and obnoxious about it?”
Amit Agarwal, Physician

“Again in my dwelling nation, I was Ron DeSantis.”
You’ve Made It This Far…
You’ve Made It This Far…
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