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“Stay your life for you not for anybody else. Don’t let the worry of being judged, rejected or disliked cease you from being your self.” ~Sonya Parker
On August 4, 2022, I buzzed off my lengthy, thick, luscious hair.
I marched up Sandy Boulevard in Portland, Oregon, walked into Take Satisfaction Barbershop, and sat within the chair with probably the most badass barber. She quelled my last-minute fears and boldly took the clippers to my never-shorter-than-shoulder-length hair.
It was immediate liberation.
I had lastly labored up the braveness to take action after 4 years of inside debate and fear, which went one thing like: What’s going to individuals assume? Will individuals assume I’m a person? Will individuals deal with me in another way? What if I’m really ugly and my ugliness might be revealed? What if my head is oddly formed? Will I’ve to put on a bunch of make-up?
My worries and ideas had been clearly steeped deep in societal conditioning about magnificence and femininity. We’re advised that lengthy hair is female and delightful. We’re advised that younger girls aren’t imagined to have brief hair. We’re advised that if you’re a lady with brief hair, make sure you put on make-up and jewellery so that you look female.
However I lastly stopped all of the pondering, broke free from these norms, and I simply did it. I mentioned, “Off with the hair!”
And now I really feel free-er, sexier, and prettier.
I really feel extra like me.
It’s as if I shed layers that had been really hiding my true essence. My true essence as an adventurous, empathic, sensual being who typically feels smooth and tender, and different occasions feels daring and badass. My true essence as somebody who’s cautious of guidelines and authority.
It’s additionally as if I shed layers of my ego. As a result of whether or not I prefer to admit it or not, my hair was a big piece of my id as a lady. Hair is an knowledgeable communicator, with the flexibility to ship so many messages by means of a single look. Hair communicates gender, sexuality, wealth, age, well being, and elements of our character.
Now that I’ve shed my lengthy hair, I believe the one a part of me that’s nonetheless communicated through my hair is my character. For one can now not have a look at me and shortly deduce my gender, sexuality, wealth, age, or well being. (I do have very toned muscular tissues and glowing pores and skin, so individuals ought to have the ability to make an assumption about my well being, however some individuals solely see the brief hair and assume I’ve most cancers).
What’s communicated boldly is that I create and stay by my very own guidelines. And if individuals know one factor about me, THAT is precisely what I would like them to know.
My buzzed hair additionally lends an air of secrecy, as individuals marvel about all of these different little examine packing containers (gender, wealth, age, and so forth.) which are often communicated through hair.
Whereas I did shed some layers of my ego, my buzzed head additionally makes a fairly sturdy assertion, and in full transparency, I get quite a lot of consideration. This consideration is available in all varieties.
Generally it’s “Excuse me sir…oh! I imply ma’am.”
Generally it’s “It’s good to put on lipstick to look extra female.” (Who mentioned I needed to look extra female?!)
Different occasions it’s “Omg, you’re so lovely” or “I LOVE your hair.”
Generally I get free guac.
I get quite a lot of smiles from passersby on the sidewalk.
I get quite a lot of lingering seems to be on the submit workplace, the espresso store, and the dance ground.
And whereas I do like to be referred to as lovely (who doesn’t?!), I don’t connect myself to the reward or the criticism as a result of I’ve determined for myself that I’m sturdy, radiant, and delightful, from the within out. I now not care if individuals assume I look masculine or female, ugly, or lovely. I don’t care if individuals in Idaho assume I’ve most cancers. I don’t care if individuals assume I appear to be a thin boy with out make-up on. (What’s incorrect with trying like a thin boy?!)
This degree of not caring, of being so assured in who I’m, is the final word freedom.
Plus, I do know that when individuals react somehow, it’s not actually about me and my hair. Their response signifies that I activated one thing inside them. I activated their need to be free and to cease following the principles that another person laid out for them.
In the perfect circumstances, I supply others a little bit permission slip to step into their very own boldness. Which is considered one of my favourite elements of buzzed life—when girls inform me I’ve impressed them to buzz their lengthy hair! That they had been so fearful about what individuals would assume, however after seeing me do it, they now have the braveness too. That’s highly effective.
So whereas the coiffure of 1 girl might appear to be a easy and insignificant factor, it really performs a small however necessary position within the liberation and empowerment of girls.
For when a lady has the braveness to push again in opposition to magnificence requirements, that braveness is ignited, and she or he additionally develops the braveness to decide on freedom in different sides of her life as effectively.
For me, that has regarded like extra sexual freedom—making me extra playful in mattress and bolder in sharing my needs—and extra confidence in all areas of my life.
Buzzing my hair has additionally created extra time in my life, as I spend much less time preparing. It’s created extra psychological house, as I now not spend inordinate quantities of time fascinated about how you can fashion my hair, when to clean it, and whether or not or to not get it highlighted.
It has additionally freed up extra money as a result of I now not spend a whole lot of {dollars} on highlights and cuts. My fiancé buzzes my hair at residence and, often, I bleach it myself.
It’s additionally led to freedom in how I gown. Generally I like to decorate to specific my femininity. Different occasions, I gown to specific my masculinity. As somebody who was once deeply insecure about her tomboy-ish-ness and lack of need to put on make-up, I’ve reclaimed the masculine elements of me with delight, which has been an integral a part of my therapeutic and enlargement journey.
It has additionally deepened my sensuality. Within the bathe, the water massages my head extra intimately. On a summer time day, the solar kisses me deeply. On a breezy morning, the wind and I dance a swish dance. On the dance ground, the softness of my fiancé’s lips prompts my crown chakra. I really feel much less separation between the world and me. I’m extra built-in. I’m extra conscious of my oneness with the pure world.
Sure, all of this due to my buzzed hair!
So I’ll depart you with just a few parting phrases of knowledge:
1. Individuals are going to speak and have an opinion about you it doesn’t matter what, so that you may as effectively do what you need and be who you need.
2. Others’ opinions of you actually have extra to do with them than they do with you, so don’t take stuff too personally and concern your self in the beginning together with your opinion of your self.
3. If you wish to buzz your head, do it. Should you don’t prefer it, it’ll develop again. However I guess you’ll prefer it!
So right here’s to taking motion to stay as a extra free, wild, and assured you!
About Teresa Towey
Teresa Towey is a coach and mentor for girls. She curates particular person and group areas to information girls in returning to their wild, visceral natures by means of connection to the physique and the earth. She has a particular focus in serving to girls specific their sensuality and stay in alignment with their menstrual cycles. Take a look at her web site and comply with her on Instagram. DM her to schedule a free 1:1 session!
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