STANFORD, CA—Calling on the general public to “Please, simply hear first,” scientists at Stanford College sheepishly introduced Thursday, “Don’t get mad, however we by accident discovered the treatment for homosexuality.” “Wait, maintain on, everyone settle down—we’re simply the messengers right here, okay?” stated researcher Eduardo Soto, who wiped his forehead as he defined that “After all, a treatment implies that it’s a illness,” however that was by no means what the group of scientists have been making an attempt to say. “There might be a treatment for heterosexuality for all we all know, all proper? Don’t freak out. We have been simply doing most cancers analysis and…and we don’t actually understand how we acquired thus far. We understand that is dangerous timing, what with Pleasure Month or no matter. Effectively, not ‘no matter.’ We didn’t imply it like that, okay? Look my brother’s homosexual. Effectively, not anymore, however you already know.” At press time, Soto acknowledged that he was going to put the examine file down on the bottom very gently and run.