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Due to Gov. Ron DeSantis’ so-called ‘conflict on woke,’ Florida establishments of upper schooling have skilled an unprecedented mind drain. The Onion requested professors why they’re fleeing the state, and that is what they mentioned.
Cory Batchelder, Gender Research
“My dissertation matter is now unlawful, so.”
Henry Johnson, Historical past
“It was simpler to show historical past once I was allowed to acknowledge that it started earlier than 1981.”
Charles Menard, English
“They’re making me train a model of Beowulf the place he says the Pledge of Allegiance midway via.”
Jacob Grigsby, Astronomy
“You’d be shocked at what number of planets Ron DeSantis has an issue with.”
Stacy D’Angelo, Training
“The county I reside in just lately banned what they known as ‘the suspicious apply of electrical energy,’ so I’m hoping there shall be some schools in close by Georgia the place I’m allowed to mild my house.”
Lisa Jacobson, African American Research
“The one studying I’m allowed to assign are Tiger Woods’ biography and a novelization of Dangerous Boys II.”
Carl Ebling, American Historical past
“A posse of mothers walked me to the state line.”
Wesley Rivero, Artwork Historical past
“I’m really fleeing for a wide range of crimes unrelated to the educating local weather.”
Bonnie Coyne, African American Historical past
“I’ve to show that slavery was not solely useful, however so useful that white individuals are owed reparations.”
Henry Stevenson, Economics
“All tenured school are being changed by an alligator in a tweed jacket with elbow patches.”
Rhonda Harvey, Statistics
“They saved forcing me to assign Mein Kampf to learn as math homework.”
Barry Francis, Environmental Science
“They acquired me! I’ve been faking this complete local weather change factor all alongside. Time to maneuver onto a extra gullible state.”
Chrissie Wright, Musicology
“Nothing to do with the politics. I believed I’d get a fantastic tan right here, nevertheless it seems I simply freckle and burn.”
Patricia Howells, Molecular Biology
“I mentioned ‘biodiversity’ in considered one of my lectures, and the assistant dean of scholars got here into my classroom and punched me within the face.”
Stacy Levine, Historical past
“I simply don’t really feel snug taking pictures college students who act up.”
Nithya Pisal, Training
“College students saved interrupting class to face up and say, ‘I’m a Christian.’”
Teresa Morales, Psychology
“My division head informed me I might be topic to month-to-month ‘grooming audits,’ which doesn’t sound like an excellent use of my time.”
Peter Barrett, Psychology
“They hold calling my topic ‘witch science.’”
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