Suggestions is a sensitive topic for me.

Regardless that I give all of it day in my one-on-one speaker teaching classes, I nonetheless discover it onerous to obtain.

Generally I can plug into my rational thoughts, hear the critique I’m getting, and make use of it. However typically, I’ve to combat off ideas which might be indignant (“Yeah, like you might have completed higher!”) or groveling (“OK, OK, I’ll repair it however please cease telling me I did incorrect”).

Why These Infantile Reactions?

Effectively, leaving apart my precise childhood (which, for people, is like leaving apart the truth that all of us breathe :-)), the thought course of goes one thing like this:

1. I made a mistake
2. Subsequently I’m not excellent
3. Subsequently I’m in all probability nugatory
4. So let’s get this suggestions second over quick earlier than anybody else notices

And sure, that sounds ridiculous.

As a result of it is ridiculous!!

However because you’re in all probability somebody who cares about doing a very good job (that’s who reads these weblog posts), are you able to actually say that you just’ve by no means had an analogous thought?

The Suggestions Sandwich

The gnarly relationship that many people have with criticism might be what birthed the thought of the “suggestions” (or “reward”) sandwich.

The sandwich goes like this:

1. The speaker begins by praising one thing in regards to the listener’s efficiency.
2. Then the speaker addresses what’s not going nicely.
3. Then they shut by once more praising some facet of the listener’s work.

It’s as if the suggestions is sandwiched between two layers of reward.

Or, in case you don’t just like the sandwich metaphor, it’s like giving somebody a spoonful of sugar (truly two) to assist the suggestions go down.

However does it work??

Suggestions in regards to the Suggestions Sandwich

Roger Schwarz would say no. He wrote a 2013 Harvard Enterprise Evaluate article titled “The ‘Sandwich Method’ Undermines Your Suggestions.” (And BTW, I extremely advocate Harvard Enterprise Evaluate’s Day by day Alert. Join free, and in case you solely skim the titles, you’ll nonetheless be taught a ton about enterprise.)

In Schwarz’s view,

 …“easing in” creates the very nervousness [you’re] attempting to keep away from. The longer you speak with out giving the unfavorable suggestions, the extra uncomfortable you’re prone to develop into as you anticipate giving the unfavorable information; your direct reviews will sense your discomfort and develop into extra anxious.

Schwarz isn’t alone. In 2022, Steve Lowisz wrote in Forbes that, with the suggestions sandwich,

…you’re manipulating somebody by distracting them from the primary level—your constructive criticism.

And in a superb article in Medium, Russ W. thinks the problems are that:

• Reward heightens sensitivity to criticism,
• Most workers would somewhat get the unhealthy information out of the way in which,
• Giving excellent news proper earlier than unhealthy information nullifies the great, and
• The suggestions sandwich makes workers passive listeners.

None of that is the specified impact. So…

How Do You Give Constructive Criticism?

The solutions that observe are based mostly on a latest incident by which I gave suggestions ineffectively. (Keep in mind I mentioned this can be a loaded matter for me? :-))

Right here’s what I’ll attempt to do subsequent time:

1. Get the listener’s settlement to a dialog, by saying one thing like:

I’d wish to deliver up one thing that’s in all probability going to make us each uncomfortable. Are you OK with that?

2. Make the purpose rapidly

I agree that, typically, individuals would favor to get the critique over with. (I definitely would!) Writing out and practising your key message prematurely are nice steps in that path.

3. Supply assist; you possibly can say,

If what I’m saying is sensible to you, I’ve some ideas about the right way to enhance issues. However first…

4. Let the listener remark

Do you wish to say something in regards to the concern I’ve raised?

I’ll be testing out this method; and in case you get an opportunity to do this, too, let me know the way it goes!

Hold the Filling, Lose the Bread

So typically, in public talking, we run into issues as a result of we’re avoiding the factor that must be mentioned.

And so typically, the answer is to “simply” say it!

After all, there’s a world of complexity in that simply—all types of fears and motives and reminiscences that must be disentangled and calmed.

It’s good to suppose {that a} components just like the suggestions sandwich goes to make this simpler. However possibly the actual trick is saying what must be mentioned in a approach that’s direct however not unkind.

Chances are you’ll really feel briefly uncomfortable about this, however your ideas will likely be extra digestible when your listener hasn’t stuffed up on bread.